I Just Want To Exist
by Myra Ingargiola
As I sat across from my son listening intently to his cares of the day, these words cried out of him with raw emotion. “I just want to exist”. His eyes filled up with tears as he attempted to articulate his struggle with narcotic addiction and his psychological disorder which had become an added burden due to his drug use.
I asked him, "What does that look like to you, 'I just want to exist"? He answered, "I need the condemning voices in my head to stop tormenting my soul. I have no rest, no relevance, no peace. It is as if I reside in an empty tomb, waiting to be filled with something greater than me."
In the book of Mark, chapter 5, Jesus comes upon a demon-possessed man who had been living in a tomb. His days were riddled with torture. No rest, no peace, no relevance, his existence was consumed with terror, a constant litany of voices clamoring for his attention, only to consume his days. This sounds a lot like what my son was describing. “I am an empty tomb”. The burden of heavy shackles, the labor of being encumbered by weight-bearing chains that hold you back from standing upright to breath in and out without toiling to do so. All we want is to walk in new freedom.
The demon-possessed man experienced this new freedom that could only come from Jesus. His gratitude for this healing was uncontainable. Jesus calls to us in the midst of the clamor and chaos that swirls all around us.
John 10:10 Jesus says “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have life abundantly”. The man who resided in the tomb wanted to be healed. He recognized Jesus coming toward him. Not knowing if his days of torture were coming to an end, the tortured man cried out for deliverance and Jesus rebuked the enemy that had taken up residence inside of him. In an instant, his tomb of chaos and torment was set free. His body, his mind, and his life were healed. He could now be at rest under the Mighty Wings of the great healer, the Almighty Physician. Hee could now experience everlasting peace. He could now find relevance in Christ Jesus.
For my son, his battle continues. It wages a war against him. But there will come a new day for him too. He will seek out Jesus and his new freedom will be sweet and full of rest, peace, and relevance. He will rise up out of his tomb and experience the same deliverance as the tormented man from the book of Mark.
What tomb are you residing in today? Are you in need of rest, peace, and relevance?
Listen for Jesus 'quiet voice' beckoning you out of your tomb. If he can breathe new life into L
Psalm 4:8 says, “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone Lord make me dwell in safety”. Amen!